I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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