Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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