If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
