WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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