your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
