dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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