woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
