So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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