The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
