I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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