we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
