member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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