I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
