'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
