my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
