Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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