marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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