wanna go halves on a baby?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
