Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Houston, we have a blender
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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