It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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