i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
