We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
