My underwear smells like fireworks.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
