How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
