bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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