I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
