Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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