All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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