she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
God, I missed his penis.
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