He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
