I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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