i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
The ass gains better be worth it
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