seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize