I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
