cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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