I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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