You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
