Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm like, not good at living.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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