She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
