he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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