did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Can I color on your dick again?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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