So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
