I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
