come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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