so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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