if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
