Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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