we have officially lost it.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
