the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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