Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
A bitchslap is in order.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
