PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
