is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
