Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
