Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize