Say something about gay babies.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
