i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
