Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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