yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
