There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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