I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
