I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
