I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
