I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
