The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
