hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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