This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
