oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
