It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
