her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
