Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
