her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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