he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize