Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
