So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
